Late last night I realized I had to go into work at 11 today. It would profit me not to stay up too late.

I finished Jason's "Sin City" book shortly after one, and I decided it would be time to try and get some sleep.

I had too much in my head.

I ended up writing a lengthy blog post in my head, about things I don't really want to talk about.

It was a very very long entry, but I picked some wonderful phrases.

I think, maybe, someday, I'll actually.. write it out, see how it looks.

After I was done thinking about that, I began to realize I hadn't written in my physical journal for months.

I opened it up to my last entry. It was.. April.

"Sorry for the delay in writing. I've been preoccupied with the musical.(Immedietelly I began to feel sick because it was then I remembered what I had written about)"

I thought about pulling it out. But I've never done that before, and I have about 140 entries now. Spanning from "Field Day" in 2nd grade to the entry I scratched down at 3 last night.

I recapped everything that had happened since April.

I noted the memorable things, mostly.. car rides, NCSA, wendy's, friends, disgusts, that sort of thing.

I wrote a bit about the last day of school, a little bit about Jason's the other day with Kate and Leah,

And you know what?

None of this has a point at all.

After I did that, I wrote a bit about some other things, went into detail about blah blah blah, then tried to sleep again.

Unsuccessful.

I was brimming with things I wanted to say, thoughts about things I should have done, regrets about things I didn't do,

And all in all,

I woke up very tired this morning.

I fell asleep roughly about 4:30 I estimate.

Fell.

Fell is an innaccurate word to use.

This is one of those nights, where, when you wake up, you just suddenly realize that you've been asleep. And the thought never occured to you the previous evening.

Where you never become consciouslly aware that you're falling asleep.

It's not a fade out. It's a poorly done transition shot.

Then suddenly you're awake again. You know  how that sort of thing is.

Even when you're asleep you're dreaming about not being able to sleep. And thinking.

Thinking is a wonderful thing. Occasionally you can sort things out, occasionally things hit you and get things rolling right,

Occasionally thinking is an atrocity that bites you in the back of the neck, and you come to the startling realization that you just wasted an entire year of your life doing something that did not profit you at all. Not one bit. And it won't. It never has up to this point.

You come to the biting reality that You, the thinker, are a fool, and that all your stupid "Wisdom", is just a bunch of randomly unconnected stories full of points that don't parallel the action at all.

Suddenly, you awaken to a set of conclusions that you should have seen from the very beggining.

And it's hard to sleep that off.

One of these days, I'm gonna show myself who's boss.

Here's to thoughts and thinking.

Hit's Since April 10, 2005