Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.

Almost right. Wal-mart's rulers are pure evil, but wal-mart itself is a good thing.

IN LIMITATION

These things grow faster than a basket full of rabbits.
And those things multiply pretty fast man.

But let me tell you, this walmart stuff,

It's a bad deal.
It all started back in 1831, when a man by the name of WALLIFORD JONES Decided to open a general store south of main street.

Well walliford jones was rich as a dead pine beatle 'cause he owned half oh nevada. The other half belonged to the US. the other 1/8 belonged to Tim, the guy from all my stories. (Tim will return in a few weeks with an actual sense making story) (haha)

So WALLIFORD JONES, he always liked to have his name in caps, just kept adding on to his general store south of main street, until it was south west AND east of town.

IT misplaced 12 CITY LIVERS!
And they all had to watch (A PIC OF THE RIIIIIIINNNGGGGG! OH NO! DONT LOOK!

And they only had 30 people in the town of Barthololog anyway. It was a german town. In the US. probably located somewhere near a mcDonalads now.

Well after they grew so huge, everyone just stsrated living in campers outside WALLLIFORDMART
That's the beggining of the trailer people's obsession with WALLIFORDMART

Because of the campers.

Because,
The camper guys
They needed camping supplies every day to survive
They were the people WALLIFORD JONES relocated 'cause he hated humanity and wanted ti to SUFFFEEERRR

Now Walliford Jones, (He wanted a regular name now) one day, decided to go for a stroll

Some guys came to jump him, but he pulled out a

WALLIFORDMART .10000000 REVOLVER

And shot the poor people in the head.
Oh this did not kill the man
It was a WALLIFORDMART gun
It was torture, it might their faces become deformed, but it caused NO HARM!

Walliford Jones saw how he was the only one who would hire these guys, being how ...ugh..they were ugly man.

So this was WALLIFORDMARTS beggining to "Help people"

AFTER THEY SCREWED THEM UP TO BEGIN WITH

Fast forward 100 or so years
it's 1998

WALLY JONES is now in control of the "EVIL EMPIRE OF WALMART"

And he did grow

He grew till he couldn't see a street in america without WALMART on it

Then, in 2031, when there were walmarts withing every 5 miles,

They unleashed it.

THEY UNLEASED THE

FACEMUTILATORRAY.100000000

WALMART DESTROYED OUR FACES

Because of this, we were froced to work in WALMART
Under WALLIFORD JONES XIII.

Now after the next generation had come and gone, there were normal faced people again, and they planned a revlution for humnity against the evil that is wallifordmart.

THEY DECIDED TO MAKE STUFF INSTEAD OF BUY IT!

(Hear gasps from readers all over the world)

So to do this, they moved to the one place wal-mart never went.

AUSTRALIA...

Seriously how come these guys never do anything at all.
It's insane.

Anywho, after we relocated to australia, we could sense danger rising.

The humans left watched in horror as the WALMART ZOMBIE FACE ARMY conquered every single countr except australia.

A few faceless ones found there way to austraia, but not much could be done to save any others.
We had to save our stregnth to fight walliford the XIII (HE liked small letters now)

So he began the invasion.
"CHARGE"
Walliford issued the command
"DEBIT YOU BLOODY FOOL, DEBIT" Cried one of WAllIfOrD's (he liked this now) enemies.

Thenm out of the blue, in amidst the battle,

An evil being called THEATKINSLOWCARBDIET appeared!
HE SLAUGHTERED THEM ALL WITH CONTINUAL AD'S FOR THEIR ENTIRE LIVES, HE SLUGHTERED THEM WITH POINTLESS STATISTICS, HE SLGUHTERED THEM WIH PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES AND HIRED ACTORS!

He slaughtered them all in the name of LOW CARBS.

The moral of the story is: I FRIGGIN HATE LOW CARB DIETERS