Smurfy Presents:

The Legend Of Zero Man

(Zero Man runs to center stage)

Zero- I am the terror of the dawn!

The nightmare of the evening!

And the annoyance of 4 am.

I AM ZERO MAN!

(Zero Man Flexes)

Zero- And I will save this village!

FOR, I HAAAAAAVE THE POWER!

And the cape.

So dur.

I'm the hero.

And the ZERO.

Zero-MAN!

(He runs off stage)

(Two people walk onstage, sit on two chairs, slouch)

One- Yeah.. sure wish we had something to do.

Two- Yep. Bored. Where's...the salsa..

Zero- WELL FEAR NOT!

One- What?

Two- Um...

One- Dude, what the HECK. Everytime I'm HERE.

Two-..What? What are you TALKING about?

One-Those VOICES.

Zero- I'M...wait.. I'M COMING!

Two- What voices?

One- THAT one,

Two- I don't hear it.

One- The one that JUST--

(Zero runs onstage)

Zero- I am ZEROMAN!

(One and Two look at Zero man idly)

Two- Why are you in my house?

One- That's...I.. Yeah, that's the voice I heard.

Two- Why...Why are you inside my HOUSE.

Zero- Because you need a HEEEEEERO, and I am that zero! Zero-- MAN!

One-...And....

Two- No, screw that, why are you in my HOUSE.

Zero- Hush your face child, I am here to perform heroics beyond your brains capabilities!

One- I'm not coming here anymore. It's like this, every single time man.

Two- Shut up. I don't know this guy.

Zero- Of course you don't! My identity is a seeeeeecret!

One- Oh.

Two- Why are you here?

Zero- Won't you listen, you stupid idiots. I'm saving you.

One- From what?

Zero- From....the...uh.. the...EVVVVVVIL!

Two- So LOUD.

One- Why.. Why do you let these people in? Why do I keep coming here?

Two- Shut UP. I don't KNOW him.

Zero- Of COURSE you don't! My identity is a seee-

Two- Shut UP.

One- So...what are we gonna do?

Two- I dunno. But he best shut up.

Zero- Children! Accept your fate! I am here to RESCUE you from the TERRORS of....uh...

THINGS! AND STUFF!

One- I'm gonna...uh.. go home.

Two- Great. Get me the ....uh...the... Bat?

One- Where's that at again?

Two- By the door.

One- Cool

Two-....Ugh.

(One walks away)

Zero-...So.. uh.. You lived here long?

Two- Ah, a few years. Nice neighborhood.

Zero- Yes I know. Because I CLEANSED IT OF ALL EVIL! AND THINGS! AND STUFF! AND DOOR TOO DOOR SALESMEN! AND---

Two- Stop. STOP.

Zero-....AND CHILDREN!

Two- Stop.

Zero-....Okay.

(They stand in silence for a second)

One- Here's the bat.

Two- Why thank you.

One- Ah.. I'm.. gonna go.

Two- Yep. Later.

One- See you.

(One walks off, laughing)

Two-..Hmm.. I wonder..

Zero-oh.. do you.. uh... are we playing baseball?

Two- Yes. Yes we are. You're the catcher.

Zero- Oh that's cool! I am a great pitcher! I played once.. for the.. LEAGUE OF HERO'S! We.. cleaned up! The bases!

Two- Haha. Great. I'm gonna hit.

Zero- Awesome!

(Zero man crouched down behind Number two. He sits there thinking for a few seconds then shouts:

Zero- Hey! WAIT A MINUTE!

Two- HAHA! ( He hits Zero Man over the head with the bat. Zero Man falls over and lays still)

Two- Man. What a rush. …what… a rush.. I think. .I’m…. uh.. Tired..

(One runs back on stage, with a cape on)

One- FEAR NOT! FOR I AM HERO-MAN! HAHA

Two- ….I will.. KILL YOU

One-… uh… RUN HERO LEGS!

(One and Two run offstage, yelling, zero man stands up and says)

Zero- The End!

(He then runs off)

(End Skit)

_________

Man.

I could NOT end that skit well at ALL.